Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Non Negotiables

Hello lovelies!

Now that I'm settling in as Mrs. G I have reflected on things from our relationship, especially the 2.5 years we spent as an engaged couple-- I know, longest.engagement.ever. You're telling me! It seemed like forever and when our wedding day finally came, it didn't seem real!

A photo from the day we got engaged-- look at my short hair!
One thing that I really cherish is the strong foundation we set for ourselves. Early into our engagement, we attended an Engaged, or, premarital class at our church. It was phenomenal. We covered so many things that I consider to be incredibly helpful, but there are a few things that I really took from the experience.

Things that are essential to your relationship, key factors, values, and habits that you'd like to instill or avoid.

These NN (non negotiables) are one of the most valuable things that I took from our time spent in the engaged course. We spent a good deal of time composing our list, they're personal to every couple and they serve to be a great reminder of some of your core values. And, y'all, these are not to be used as a rule book, you don't use them against your spouse- for example, one would never say "Well you broke non negotiable #4, blah blah blah." NO NO NO. 

The NN remind me of the things I need to strive for. We have both spent some time thinking about the couple we want to be, and I believe these are helpful in growing us in love. It's easy to get lazy and to let our selfish and sinful nature take over, but these give you a good pinch of reality and remind you that in a marriage, you must be intentional

Our NN are so very special to us, we even decided to display them at our wedding, and we will also be displaying them in our home!
My sweet hubby framed our non negotiables and had them placed next to our guest book. Love that man.

With all of that being said, I will gladly share ours with you! I encourage you to make a list with your partner as well!

Laurel and Michael's Non Negotiables:

1. We will invest in the other person's interest
2. We will not prevent our loved one from being a part of what he or she enjoys
3. We will ask and not order, "will you" rather than "do this"
4. We will keep conversations in the same room (face to face)
5. We will strive to keep our promises, and to make promises that we can keep
6. We will avoid joking at the other's expense
7. We will stick to a set budget and will not buy something that we cannot afford
8. We will strive to plan a weekly "family fun day" or date night
9. We will put a limit on our phones or other electronics and surrender phones during meal times
10. We will not put ourselves in compromising positions with members of the opposite sex
11. We will be a part of, and serve in the same ministry
12. We will read at least one relationship/marriage book together each year
13. We will strive to make and attend routine medical appointments (dentist, optometrist, yearly physicals)
14. We will try to acknowledge and express notice or appreciation of at least one positive character quality a day
15. We will strive to recognize each other's struggles and exhort them by looking for a scriptural passage of relevance or encouragement
16. We will NEVER use the "D-Word" (divorce) in respect to our own relationship
17. We will strive to avoid correcting the other in public, or in front of others
18. We will strive to resolve conflicts privately, avoiding outside party influence. If resolution cannot be met, we will seek outside council that is agreed upon.
19. We will put our family's needs above others
20. We will communicate our schedules and put appointments on an updated calendar
21. We will strive to pray and do a devotional together every day
22. We will work to remember that the other is a gift from God, not just a token (Proverbs 19:14)
23. We will not bring up past arguments, unless used in a positive example.

So maybe they're a little long, and yours don't have to be this detailed, but they really are great. I can say that after reading over them again I can see so many that I have "broken" or failed to execute-- that doesn't matter. Again, these aren't a rule book but rather a steady guide and gentle reminder of some of the promises you've made to one another. 

Later I will be sharing about our FIGHT RULES

Thanks for stopping by! 




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  2. Oh my gosh, I just found your blog and love this idea. I am engaged and have been thinking about stuff like this, rules, etc and think this is a perfect idea. Thanks for sharing.

    1. I'm so glad you found my blog! I can't put into words how much these have been a help in our relationship, I hope they serve you well!!

  3. The NN's are a really good idea. I maybe have to borrow some of these for my fiancé and I. I found your blog via IG and I just started a blog a couple months ago too. thesassygator.blogspot.com Love the wedding photos too :)

    1. Feel free to use as many of them as possible- a lot of ours were "given" to us during our class, sometimes it's hard to think of everything that you want to cover! I'm checking out your blog and I love it! Yay for new blog friends : ) Ps- I adore your engagement pictures!

  4. Thank you that is very sweet. I look forward to reading yours as well :)

  5. Great list! One of the biggest "rules" or non-negotiables Bryce and I have had in our relationship is o keep our issues private, between the two of us. We strive to resolve issues on our own and be united around others. As girls, I think, it is so easy to rant to our girlfriends about whatever we're mad about, but really it doesn't do any good!

    1. I completely agree! In the past I have been so guilty of running to my friends to vent and blow off some steam, but that really doesn't help much! I am guilty of saying the silliest things so after the conflict is resolved I have to go back to my girlfriends and retract what I said. No bueno!

      Ps- Sorry I'm replying and blowing you up, I just got internet and am now catching up on comments : )