Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Save me {Mess:Past}

Goooood morning!

So you may or may not have seen this article trending on the internet, if not, give it a read because it's beautiful and shows the gospel so well!

When reading it, I could totally relate- no, not because my husband was wild in high school, but because I was and many of the moments captured in the above article I experienced with my now-husband. If you met me now you wouldn't recognize the girl I was in high school- I drank, a lot, partied, serial dated, and had very little self respect (among many other things). My senior superlative in high school was "party animal" enough said. My husband I have joked many times about how much we would have dislikes the other in high school, we were so different from each other and from who we are now.

I cringe thinking about some of the decisions I made and for a long time I carried a lot of the guilt and shame associated, but that's the beauty of The Gospel, my sin and shame is covered, washed away, and I'm left sparkling and beautiful. For years I had to battle my old self, I had to overcome the temptation to slip into my old ways, I had to find my identity in Christ and not in who I used to be.

Yeah, I was tan. Also, my friend did my eyebrows so don't judge.

One of the hardest parts of my reckless decisions wasn't how it wrecked me, but how I saw it break my husband's heart. My husband is truly amazing and a great man of God, so when it came time for me to share my past with him (before we were married, or engaged), I could do so without fear- though I could tell it hurt him, never once did he look at me differently. As a couple we had to battle some of the pain that was brought upon us, but we couldn't have done that without The Lord's strength and guidance.

Ultimately I had to remember that my life before my husband was also my life before Jesus.

Often I reflect on my life and wish that my parents had lead me more to The Lord, not that I'm blaming them for their decisions because they were wonderful parents, but sometimes I feel as if I could have saved myself from a lot of grief if I had known Jesus sooner in life, but thinking like that is terrible. God has a perfect plan, and though He wills for us to do good, so frequently our free will allows us to learn lessons, however painful they may be. Without my past life I wouldn't know the redeeming power of The Gospel to the extent that I do, I wouldn't be able to share my story with others, and I wouldn't be who I am today.
So thankful for this sweet guy-- almost 5 years ago!

While I'm not proud of the things I've done, I'm thankful for what I've learned and I'm ever more thankful for Jesus, because through Him I can let go of it all.




  1. Oh my goodness, how I can relate. Thank you so much for sharing your heart, Laurel. It's beautiful to see what God has done in your life, even more beautiful because I completely understand the same grace in my marriage.Ahh. tears.

  2. Can relate to this SO MUCH! amazing post!

  3. Such a beautiful post! I love seeing other posts about wives posting about the things I need to hear the most :) I am so so glad we found each other sweet girl!!

  4. You are so right--there is a perfect plan! All your experiences (good and bad) have shaped you into the beautiful, wonderful person you are today!