It seems like forever since I've written a post, mainly because it has been forever! I'm so sorry for my absence but I have been very busy, and I've also been very ill. My mean old gallbladder has decided to be a bully again so I'm going for an ultrasound this week so see what's going on. Womp womp.
Today I want to share with you what a horrible wife I've been lately, hopefully some of you can see my mistakes and learn from them yourselves!
Recently I have been wicked unhappy. I don't have a job, I don't have many friends in the area, and all I do is sit around our apartment feeling sorry for myself. I sit around stewing in bitterness, counting all of the things I want instead of counting my blessings and looking around at all of the beautiful things that I have. I am so fortunate because I have a ridiculously hardworking and loving husband, a reliable car, a safe apartment with 99% of the amenities, and I always have food in my mouth and a comfy bed to lay my head down on at night. So what was my problem? My heart had begun to grow hard and I had began to distance myself from Jesus. Instead of giving in to the Holy Spirit, I have turned away from the things I needed to face. I had begun to feel entitled to things, like I deserve to have fancy throw pillows and curtains, I deserve to be able to shop at J.Crew whenever I want and get Starbucks for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Wrong.
All of my husband's hard work and sacrifices were taken for granted and I was being an outright B-word. My actions and thinking were really starting to tear a rift in how we acted together (we are fine y'all, it was just a rough patch) and I was making my poor tired husband feel taken for granted. I hate myself for this, but after feeling convicted and having the good Lord break me down, I feel like I am working my way back up, this is such a good thing.
Where did I go wrong? Well, I stop listening to what the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me. I stopped reading The word, and I started keeping score in my marriage instead of trying to be more like Jesus. I have a history of this and I know how it always ends up- I always have a breakdown and then get built back up. That's the beauty of having of having a God that loves me though, I can be a rebellious pain in the rear and He always calls me His, He always forgives, and He always makes me better than I was before.
It's so easy to become lazy in marriage, it's so easy to forget about all of the wonderful things and to focus on what you don't have. It's easy to let your partner do all of the work, but friends, when you're both working 100% marriage is so much sweeter. In this upcoming month I'm trying to work on being more intentional in my marriage, I'm going to find new ways to love and serve my husband, and I'm going to remind that man why he married me in the first place!
I hope that y'all help keep me accountable, and I hope that if you're struggling with things you can rest assured that God can and will get you through it!
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Deut. 31:6
Xx,
LG
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