Good morning y'all!
I hope that everyone is having a beautiful, and warm day. I know that our temps aren't as bad as many, but it is pretty frigid here in good ole' Virginny!
Today I'm going to rant about our
horrendous neighbors, if you've ever lived in an apartment then you can probably relate.
Case 1: "Sketchy Neighbor"
This was our neighbor right across from us, I gave him his beloved nickname mainly because he was sketchy, but also because I never knew his actual name. Why was he sketchy? Well, he used to wait for my husband to get home, then right as his car pulled up, he'd run outside to chat with him. That may seem totally harmless, but it was weird the way he always timed it out. Then he would walk my husband to our door and when the hubs entered our apartment, HE TRIED TO FOLLOW HIM IN! This happened on more than one occasion. Once he asked me for a ride, and I said I couldn't, but while we were chatting both he and his friend tried to come in my apartment. Not cool, bro, things like that will get you shot around here.
He'd also ask us for rides to places, knock on our door multiple times a day to see if we had any money for the laundromat, and once, I looked through the peephole on our door to see who was knocking, and
he waved at me through the peephole. Creepy. He also put a sign on his door that read "Donating plasma, be back in 30 minutes." Y'all, I'm pretty sure he was on drugs.
Now, I'm not trying to be hateful, but the man needed to pick up on some social queues, ya dig? There were plenty of times that my husband drove him places or helped him out. He was a nice guy, just very...special.
Case 2: Little Drummer Boy
This little fella was something else. He would sing at the top of his lungs, not well I might add, while strumming his little guitar, and often he banged on the drums. It was just down right obnoxious, especially because according to our lease, musical instruments can't be played in the apartments. If you tried to knock on his door to ask him to stop, he'd suddenly get quiet and pretend like no one was there. Real smooth, you definitely fooled us.
The worst thing about Little Drummer Boy is that when confronted, he would totally deny it! My hubs once went downstairs to politely ask him to stop, and he was like "What? I wasn't playing any music." even though we
knew he was, and there were musical instruments everywhere.
Luckily LDB has since moved out and peace has been restored to our community.
Case 3: McGang Bang, Sexy Times, Dog Abuser
Get ready because this is the worst offender of all, which is one of the reasons he has so many nicknames. This guy has the
loudest sex of
anyone on the planet. If National Geography and Hugh Heffner teamed up to make an "adult film" they'd both be offended by the noise.
Now, I'm not one to shoot a man's horse, especially if he's having sexy times, but a person can only withstand so much. His girlfriend literally screams at the top of her lungs and yelps like a dog being beaten. It's just too much.
To combat the annoyance, I left a nice note on his door, it read:
Merry Christmas, neighbor! I'm so excited that you're getting laid so often, but if you could do all of us in ----- 549 a favor and keep it down, that would be great! It sounds like someone is being tortured. Thanks!
Okay, I admit, it isn't my best work but I was desperate.
Mr. Sexy Times has so much sex I can't even imagine how it's humanly possible. If his girlfriend is over, basically there will be noises. They've woken us up at 2:30 in the morning, disturbed our guests, and made us consider whether or not someone was actually being abused. We are so irritated that we've jokingly plotted dropping some sort of foul something through his air duct. Don't worry y'all, we won't actually do it.
So there you have it! Have you been graced with horrible neighbors? Tell me all about them!
Xx,
LG